I Had a Dream

I had a dream the other night.  Actually, it was more a nightmare.  It was Ambien-induced; I took the sleep aid because I was having trouble sleeping (obviously).  Not my usual habit but it was an easy way out.  Or so I thought until the dream/nightmare came along.

In it, I was visiting a friend in Key West, where everyone walks around half-clothed.  I seemed to have been okay with how I looked until I got down there and started comparing myself.  I was not happy and my friends were very aware of that.  They tiptoed around me.  I woke up feeling quite shaken by the dream. I viscerally felt how damaging my focus on my looks was on me.

The first time I dieted, I was 10.

Joy Manning has joined WeAreTheRealDeal as a contributor, please read more about her here.

When I met Joy she introduced herself as a food critic, but through our email conversations I learned about her disordered eating background, and I am absolutely amazed by how she was able to transform her food issues from bad to beautiful by “learning to cook well, developing her palate, and cultivating an appreciation for great food.”

I asked Joy to share with us her experience growing up in a household led by two parents that “had no idea how to feed themselves, let alone a family.” Her story is below.

-mamaV

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The first time I dieted I was 10.

My father, an alcoholic, promised me that he’d quit drinking if I lost weight. There was nothing I wanted more than for my father to be sober. And there was nothing my father wanted more for me than happiness, which, based on my hysterical sobbing in the K-Mart fitting room while trying on swimsuits that summer, he figured I needed to be skinny to achieve.

What Are YOU Thankful For?

It’s that time of the year where we Americans gather with family and friends and reflect upon what we’re thankful for.

Given the state of the economy and the fact that we’re still at war, I know this year hasn’t been an easy one for many, and sometimes it can be hard to see the bright side in the face of challenging situations.

Sometimes it takes stepping outside ourselves to realize just how lucky we are, even when things don’t seem to be going all that well.

It’s been a challenging year for me in many respects, but I’m thankful for so much: having such an incredibly supportive husband, family and friends who have stuck by me throughout the past year and a half as I came clean about my struggles; having a wonderful career & a moonlighting (albeit unpaid) blogging career; being in such a good place mentally; good health; and having a roof over my head and food on my table.

There is truly so very much to be thankful for, and believe me when I say it: I don’t take it for granted for even one second.

But as this is a body image blog, I figured today was as good a day as any to share what we’re thankful for with respect to our physical bodies … our bodies which we nourish to sustain us and move to strengthen us.

Our bodies which (regardless of size) will treat us well when we treat them well.

I’ll start, and I hope you’ll share your insight as well.

Musings of an “obese” doctor

Our guest post today is from Dr. Rebekah Adams who sent in this piece with the following comment;

I just wish I had a big bottle of self-love I could prescribe for my patients and my bet would be their weight issues would suddenly start to resolve themselves.

I believe the fat acceptance activists here will appreciate Dr. Adams words, since most obese women express that they have continually faced unfair, shockingly cruel, commentary from their physicians about their weight…..which many times leads to avoidance of necessary physical exams.

What has happened to the Hippocratic Oath “first, do no harm?”

-mamaV

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I have been wanting to put some of my thoughts together about the debates that are raging on the comments streams of We Are the Real Deal for a while.

I applaud having a forum for people to debate from all sides of a complex, difficult issue. My thoughts are from the perspective of a woman who has struggled with weight issues all of my life, who let some of my best years dissolve in self loathing due to the number on my jeans tag. I have donated a large portion of my precious resources to various “programs” in the multi million dollar weight loss industry. I have since discovered love, motherhood, triathlon, running and happiness. I am very much a work in progress but I have finally learnt that I am much more than my dress size. As a doctor I aim to help people achieve health and spend a long time pondering what this means.

I want to be her when I grow up

I saw this picture of Artist Louise Bourgeois in a bookstore a few weekends ago, and it stopped me cold. What is it about this woman? And can I have some of it??!

“Charisma” was the first word to come to mind.

Followed by “confidence.”

After getting past my amazement of her aura,  I moved on to look at her face. A face covered in moles, and bumps, and age spots, and wrinkles, and basically every single imperfection I try to cover up each day. All facial features I glazed right over when I was struck by Louise’s initially.

That’s the magic of true beauty…. it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with what you look like on the outside, why is that such a hard lesson to learn?

This is what I call charisma captured.

We’ve all got charisma. It’s just buried underneath our layers of insecurities, hidden deep below our foolish preoccupation with society imposed flaws.

Will your wrinkles matter when you are gone?

Will your children remember that you had a big tummy or a comforting one?

When you look at your own mother, and notice her aging traits, do you hate them or adore them?

Hopefully, the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, you will imagine this amazing graceful old woman Louise, and snap out of the moment to see your big picture.

You’ll be better for it,

-mamaV

Making “You” A Priority Doesn’t Make You Selfish

It’s not easy being a woman.

For as amazing as we are at multi-tasking, all too often, we leave ourselves — and our needs — behind.

We  feel pulled in so many different directions – juggling family, kids, work, activities — that sometimes we feel completely overwhelmed and end up putting ourselves dead last on the to-do list — that is, if we even make it on the list, at all.

As a result, more and more women today are feeling over-worked, exhausted and, oftentimes, resentful of their spouses/significant others who seem to have it easier.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The “Exposed” Trail of Fame

Do one thing everyday that scares you. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Roni recently did her oh-so-brave post “I’ve been exposed!” The post generated a ton of interest, so I decided to backtrack, and take a bit of time to find out who came up with this brilliant idea. What I found was  an amazing web of women, inter-connected through one common interest - body image. These women care so much they are pushing each other further and further to reach that place of peace within themselves.  Beautiful.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. – Walsch

So, it turns out Roni’s post pointed back to this Michelle from Eating Journey as the woman who inspired this entire inventive effort. Check out her “salsa hips;”

What’s your Image of Optimal Health?

This past weekend I got a chance to hear a few experts talk about health. I turned on my camera to capture this short clip of Dr. Duke Johnson “breaking” our cultural image of optimal health.

Dressing for Success

It might seem ill-timing and perhaps even a bit vain to be blogging about body image issues during one of the worst recessions our country has seen …

When our own neighbors are losing their jobs and their homes to foreclosure; when health care costs are rising and bankrupting so many; when companies continue to cut back on staff and resources; when people don’t know if they will have any heat this winter or be able to put food in their children’s mouths.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say it; it’s ugly out there. There’s no use sugar-coating it.

But the truth is, so much of our self-esteem is tied to how we feel about ourselves (i.e., our body image.)

And when we feel good about ourselves, we’re more likely to nail an interview; have the confidence to ask for time off that we need to take care of our sick families; take a professional or personal risk; negotiate a utility bill, lease, or mortgage.

Often as women, how we feel about ourselves is directly related to our appearance, and I don’t necessarily mean in terms of body size.

Sometimes just putting on a special wrap-dress, pair of heels, swipe of lip gloss, or long, dangly necklace can make us feel like a princess … or just, well, like a woman.

Newsflash! Men (Even Hot, Famous Ones) Can Have Body Image Issues Too

It’s surprising (and sad) to see a totally fit, attractive guy like Ryan Seacrest  talking about how he needs to lose weight.

Last Friday (while home sick, recovering from H1N1) I got to watch Ryan on Ellen. I never get to watch her show, so it was the “silver lining” to being sick.

But I was caught off guard by her interview with her good friend Ryan.

One of the first questions she asked Ryan was about what the famous chef Gordon Ramsay had said to him on his show that made him feel like he needed to suddenly lose weight.

Apparently, Ramsay had told Ryan he could see a “roll” on his mid-section!